There was a cow that had a suitcase waiting for the bus to come there were green grass and mountains and the green grass were long and the mountains were like volcanoes and the suitcase was really heave that the cow could not carry it and there were lots of clothes inside it was heavy the a table he got invited to a party that why he packed lots of clothes maybe he packed shoes and he was waiting for the bus to come and pick him up to go so he can get there quickly because he was exciting
Awesome job Evonne. You did well to finish AND publish on your blog. Next time try ctrl + shift + v to paste your story. Then it will all fit on the page.
ReplyDeleteHello Evonne! My name is Mia from Yaldhurst Model School. Great work! I really liked your story, it sounds really interesting.
ReplyDeleteI've tried a 100 word challenge before, but we had a prompt to write. We also had a time limit as well for about 10 minutes I think. There was one prompt for writing that said something about a man who was halfly stuck in a concrete wall. What do you think would've happened next?
To improve, could you reread your writing, there are some places were they need some punctuation! It was pretty breathtaking to read.
Awesome work!
Mia
Hi Evonne, I'm Amelia from Yaldhurst Model School.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you have got some pretty descriptive writing, and how you said words like heavy, green, and exciting.
This reminds me of some writing I did earlier this morning, it had to be a minimum of 250 words, and we looked at a picture that we had to write about.
To improve, you could easily add punctuation, full stops, commas, that kinda stuff. Also, you need proper structuring, like paragraphs. All your writing was out to the side so try and fix that too.
Hey, if you have time come check out my blog!
Cya later, keep it up!
Hello. I like how you said that the cow had things cows do not usally do not hav.e Next time, you could add a coupple more sntences. Goodbye,from Max.
ReplyDeleteKia ora Evonne! My name is Hana and I'm a year 6 from Yaldhurst Model School!
ReplyDeleteWow Evonne! I love your story! It's very interesting and cool! Especially because of the cow. :D MOOOOOO~
I think that I've done a 100 word challenge in the past, I think. T^T And at first, I thought that writing 100 words was impossible, but now I'm writing 300-400 words on my writing! It just shows how much you can improve if you try!
To improve, you could try adding a bit of punctuation. Like full-stops, commas, and exclamation marks.
Keep up the good work!
-Hana
Hello Evonne,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Alan and I am from yaldhurst model school.
I really liked the hundred word challenge and your description about the cow. Good job. Anyway for some reason the words have got out of the blog post. Can you try and fix it? That's the only problem other than that your blog post is really good.
Kind regards
Alan